Saturday, January 31, 2015

I've Done It Before and All I Had Was God

So at the end of 2014,  I decided that 2015 was going to be a different year. There were going to be a lot of changes. I know that’s what a lot of people say at the end of the year, but I’m serious.  


The reason why I said this is because of a situation that happened at the end of 2014. I finally opened my eyes and realized who is there for me, and who is not there for me.  


In my present situation I had become so comfortable with this family member and that I relied way too heavily on them to my own detriment. I had put up with a lot of nonsense and snide comments that I should have shut down when it was first said and done, but I didn't. I just shut my mouth and held the anger inside. This person doesn't realize how much of a hindrance they've been for decades and I allowed them. And when I should have cut this person off permanently years ago, and I didn't, that was my fault but this year I'm done. If I don't deal with this now, I'll continue to suffer the effects of these harmful emotions.


But I know I will have to forgive this person.


And after finally making that decision, I had to come to the realization that I wasn't trusting God like I should have been. I had placed my trust in this family member and in myself. That’s what hurt me most.


But I made my resolve. I've done it before and all I had was God, so it's going to be God in me again. He brought me through so much in the past, He will bring me through this.